Get That Look: Martin Prince

With apologies to InStyle. June is finally upon us, and soon our plans will come to fruition – we’ll be the queens of summertime…I mean king. Kings! There will be more friends, more allies, more of everything, and hang those who talk of less. Above-ground pools and their accompanying lifestyle accoutrements! So many layers of bathing suits that no one could possibly pants us!

“What about the Sunsphere? Oh, you mean the Wigsphere.”

When you’re down to your last ten dollars, you’ve already seen both of Andy Williams’ encores, and there’s probably not going to be another World’s Fair for another 80 years at least, sometimes there’s nothing to do for it but to buy yourself a kicky little light-purple wig and a saucy orange barrette to set it off. It won’t solve all your problems, but then again it never promised to.

Lilac Bob Wig, Etsy, $37.67.

Orange Barrette, Etsy, $8.


“A Lucky Boy’s” Tea and Birthday Party Set

“What kind of a little boy has a tea set?” asks Mrs. Krabappel, speaking for all of Martin’s haters. The underlying question is: What’s wrong with Martin? Why does he like the wrong things, in the wrong amount?

Principal Skinner, Zen-like, pours a cup of tea in response. “I think we both know the answer to that,” he tells her. “A lucky boy.”

Moulin Routy’s Once Upon A Time Tea Set, Maisonette, $59.00

Little Tikes Pink Cottage Playhouse, Walmart, $109.98

Pink party hats, Etsy, $6.

Ice Sculpture, “Fancy little boy” shape - price on request, Chisel-It


“Calliope, the muse of heroic poetry!”

Nelson – interlocutor, the tyrant to Martin’s parrhesiastes, burly protector and sometime-ally, antithesis and counterweight – not included. Unalloyed, undiminished optimism no guarantee.

Pink ballet slippers, Target, $14.99.

Fairy wings, Etsy, $31.50.

Purple pansy bouquet, Etsy, $13.30.

White toga, Amazon, $28.00.

Pale pink sash, Etsy, $6.41.


“Would you like to hear me play the lute?”

To which the only answer is, of course, Yes.

The Oxford Book of Ballads, free.

Purple bycocket hat with feather, Etsy, $65.

Roosebeck ULTVL-2 Tenor Lute, Reverb, $254.99.


The Wondrous Wizard of Latin

Purple wizard’s hat with symbols, Poshmark, $6.

Short blue fleece cape, Etsy, $45.

Latin Phrase-Book, Carl Meissner, free.

Any of these looks is guaranteed to put a spring in your step, such that lookers-on and passers-by might wager – say, he has some variety of walking clock in that box!

The Mosquito-Eater: A Monologue

Previously, I guess.

Oh! Oh! Okay. Okay. Oh! Okay. Okay – mm. I love the WALL. Bump it. Yes. Bump the wall again. Good. My favorite direction to fly is BUMP. Yes. Pause. Bump. Wait. Yes. I want to get LARGE. I want to bump THE WALL. I want to LIVE on the WALL like a THIN HAND. Yes and thank you. Yes. Hm.

You didn’t SEE me before. You saw me. I was smaller then. I didn’t have - uh - the WALL. I just want to rest here a minute. Okay. Oh! Up here. A little higher on the WALL. I just waited until you were ASLEEP and then I was BORN and then I UNFOLDED and then I went up your WALL (bedroom WALL) and I’m bumping. BUMPing. Trying to BUMP. Into more of the wall. Okay. Okay! BUMP. I bumped again. It makes the littlest sound. Bump bump bump. Hi. Hi! Are you - AWAKE now? I was making the littlest sound again and again. Bump. The WALL. I’ll climb it UP again.

I wonder. Okay! Oh. I wonder what it would be like. BUMP. To bump into your HAIR. I wonder what it would be like in your HAIR. I don’t know. BUMP. I’m - slow. SLOW. Bump. I bump down, slow. Slow down the wall. Towards your HAIR. I want to BUMP it. Mm. To drift in your HAIR. So much to BUMP into. A strand of hair for every leg. Whoops. There - up. Okay. Okay! My legs your hair. Hello. I want to be CLOSE. I want the WALL. Bump. I want the LIGHT. Bump. I want to BUMP. Bump. I - whoops - whoa. I want to VISIT your HAIR.

I hope they TOLD you I’m HARMLESS. I hope they - BUMP - told you. Let me - BUMP - visit. Oh! Okay. BOUNCE/BUMP/BOUNCE. I have so many brothers and sisters in the world, all LEGS. We want to BUNDLE. We want to BUNDLE UP and BUMP THE WALLS. Okay? HARMless. Here we come. Bump, bump bump.

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