Lieutenant, you would do me an enormous favor if you stopped calling me sir.

Archive

Oct 13Movie Yelling With Grace and Danny: A Star Is Born and the Laws of Conservation of Energy
Oct 12"Helen," by H.D.
Oct 11Nora Ephron's "I Feel Bad About My Neck," Transmasculine Edition
Oct 8The Daily Coffee-Cup Regret Index
Oct 7Jacob and the Angel: Wrasslin' Til Noon At Least
Oct 6Moments While Rewatching "Center Stage" I Was Overwhelmed With The Desire To Touch My Own Toes
Oct 5Liz Taylor's Marriages, Ranked In Order Of T4T Energy
Oct 3I Have Added A Soupçon of Water To Your Dishwashing Soap
Sep 27I'm Sorry, Emily Dickinson
Sep 25Have you tried keeping a thing of nuts or almonds or something in your car
Sep 21Columbo In Six Attitudes
Sep 19Ode To A Grecian Urn
Sep 13Two-Mom Energy Drink
Sep 6Phantom Thread
Sep 5The Stages Of Doing The Washing-Up
Aug 29Destry Rides Again, or Jimmy Stewart Has A Body
Aug 24On Wednesdays We Wore Pink
Aug 22Before To All The Boys I've Loved Before
Jul 30"Have a great summer, keep in touch, stay cool": See you all next week
Jul 26"I've Got Chills": Dream acceleration a week out from top surgery
Jul 18Powerful Medicines, Ranked
Jul 13Everything What's Distinctual About A London'd Fox From Regularized Foxuals
Jul 12American-on-American Action Abroad: Sorry For Travel Writing At You
Jul 6Please Accept My Application To Become Steve From Sex And The City
Jul 1Joan Didion And Anna Wintour Dismantle Vogue And Establish A Religious Confraternity
Jun 28The Only Traveling Advice I Will Ever Give You: The Inevitable Australian
Jun 21The Book of Ruth, Part II
Jun 15Chapsticks on my Person, Ranked
Jun 8Epimetheus and Prometheus, Part II: Pandora's Visit
Jun 7Epimetheus and Prometheus
Jun 7The Book of Ruth, Part I
Jun 3A Conversation With Diane Keaton
May 31Dirtbag Catullus
May 25Helen and Paris at Breakfast
May 24Dirtbag Sappho
May 19Paul Bettany Always Looks Like He's About To Crumble To Death With A Gentle Smile
May 14How To Tell If You Are In A Mary Renault Novel
May 10Joan Didion Congratulates Anna Wintour On Being Tasked With Rooting Out Heresy
May 4Paul's First Letter to the Thessalonians
May 1"A Frigid, Protestant Anaïs Nin": A Bibliography
Apr 29Things People Say In Old Movies In Order To Prevent Another Character From Discussing Their Feelings For Even A Second
Apr 26The Several Mortes d'Arthur
Apr 23Things Brash, Horse-Loving Spinster Sisters Of Romantically Dour Protagonists Have Unnecessarily Died Of In Technicolor Melodramas
Apr 20Russian Authors I Have Never Technically Lied About Yet Always Feel Uncomfortable Discussing: A Series Of Frenzied Internal Monologue
Apr 15How To Do Laundry
Apr 12A Dialogue Between Herodias And The Daughter Of Herodias, Concerning John The Baptist
Apr 9How To Take A Shower
Apr 5First Letter To The Corinthians
Apr 2Things I Imagine Joni Mitchell To Have Plausibly Said At Some Point Despite Never Really Engaging With Her Work
Mar 30The Boxcar Children
Mar 23Excelsimore
Mar 22The Lion In Winter and Midsomer Murders
Mar 10Merry Spinster Book Tour Dates
Mar 9A Letter From Chris Kimball
Mar 8Joan Didion Discovers Susan Sontag And Lesbianism
Mar 5Impulses I Have Had To Restrain This Year
Mar 1The Stages Of Realizing You Are Late
Feb 23Bible Verses I Have Quoted To My Dog, To No Effect
Feb 23Counterfactual History Books I Would Like To Read
Feb 19Two Monks Invent Music
Feb 16Movies That Would Be Improved If They Ended With The Protagonist Choosing To Date Doctor Keanu Reeves In A Cozy Sweater
Feb 11Joan Didion Runs Through Her Enemies List
Feb 9What Which Character You Think You Are On The Good Place Says About You
Feb 1Captain Kirk And Emily Dickinson, Two Legendary Spinster Icons
Jan 27Upcoming Scenes From Season Three of "The Crown"
Jan 25"A Frigid, Protestant Anaïs Nin"
Jan 18The Stages Of Unloading The Dishwasher When You Live With Other People
Jan 17A Dialogue Between Joan Didion And Anna Wintour
Jan 11An Email Format That's Getting Weirdly Popular Lately For Some Reason
Jan 6Talkin' Star Wars
Dec 30, 2017Marcus Aurelius Prepares For The New Year
Dec 29, 2017A Series Of Increasingly Obscure Forgotten Brontë Siblings
Dec 22, 2017It's the end of the world up here
Dec 16, 2017Persuasion, or: Those Assholes
Dec 14, 2017Gentlemen! My Ward!
Dec 8, 2017Details I Would Pepper Into The Background Of My Regency-Era Romance To Trick Readers Into Thinking I Had A Thorough Understanding Of The Period When In Fact It's Just A 400-Year Jumble Of Half-Remembered Facts From AP European History
Dec 7, 2017I don't understand the Wars of the Roses
Dec 3, 2017Anna Wintour, Lord Of Misrule
Nov 30, 2017Frasier Episode Descriptions I Dreamed Last Night
Nov 30, 2017The Shatner Chatner has moved
Nov 29, 2017housekeeping
Nov 28, 2017Coming December 7th...
Nov 16, 2017People's Sexiest Man Alive
Nov 10, 2017I'm not attracted to Jeff Goldblum and I'm not sure I'll ever finish quitting smoking
Nov 2, 2017You're Norman Mailer! Can you make it out of this cocktail party without stabbing your wife?
Oct 27, 2017okay so
Oct 19, 2017Middlemarch but with werewolves, but not ABOUT werewolves
Sep 28, 2017HGTV
Sep 14, 2017Movie Yelling with Mallory
Sep 7, 2017A podcast about someone who didn't get murdered
Sep 1, 2017The Boxcar Children, Part III
Aug 25, 2017Things I Have Yelled At My Television, Which Cannot Hear Me, While Watching Grantchester
Aug 17, 2017The Boxcar Children, Part II: The Road
Aug 10, 2017Everything what's wrong of succulents
Aug 4, 2017The Boxcar Children
Jul 26, 2017ONE NIGHT ONLY: THE TOAST IS BACK
Jul 19, 2017Joan Didion and Anna Wintour
Jul 12, 2017there are always Australians wherever you go and A.A. Milne isn't public domain
Jul 6, 2017Mary Shelley knows how not to get a book published
Jun 27, 2017Duckie from Pretty in Pink is a beautiful lesbian and I can prove it with the intensity of my feelings
Jun 22, 2017"oh it's almost TOO rich"
Jun 15, 2017"i wish we had the Toast back for a minute just so we could come up with fifty all-girl cover band names"
Jun 11, 2017my sister & Jenny Holzer & sandwiches
Jun 1, 2017The least chill guy at Ultimate Frisbee
May 24, 2017andrew lloyd webber sends a text message (OR the adventures of webbsy and steve)
May 23, 2017this hoodie almost fits me, plus an update
May 19, 2017I just saw the series finale of the Golden Girls for the first time but accidentally thought it was an episode from season two and was not emotionally prepared
May 17, 2017A moratorium on villainous eating
May 10, 2017Evelyn Waugh eats the bananas
May 5, 2017Mark Ronson's hubris and my problem with almost-singing men
Apr 28, 2017I owe Philip Roth an apology
Apr 20, 2017"I love your vibe" and other things I've said to men
Apr 14, 2017some jokes I have privately thought were funny to myself
Apr 6, 2017A message from Reformed theologian John Calvin to my dog Murphy, who I suspect is not a member of the elect
Mar 31, 2017Captain James T. Kirk is a beautiful lesbian and I contend daily with my feelings
Mar 24, 2017"I felt like Salieri, or a dog watching TV: furious and hostile and confused": Bellowing about trees with Sondheim

Lieutenant, you would do me an enormous favor if you stopped calling me sir.