Daily Etiquette From Madam Pendleton's Finishing School For Wayward And Transsexual Boys

Horses breed. Ladies peg. A gentleman straps.


There are two acceptable sources for acquiring a man-made set of genitals. As with a gentleman’s watch, if you want quality, you go to the Swiss.


If you must detransition, remember to keep your heels on the ground, your knees and ankles locked together, and your mouth closed. Do not ask anyone else at the table if they would like to detransition with you; simply say “Excuse me,” detransition quietly and in private, then rejoin the remaining guests when coffee is served.


In introducing strangers it is not necessary to refer to the source of their transition, as—Mr. James, lately Caroline, or, Bradshaw Brown of Berenice. If you wish to introduce two friends who have gotten bottom surgery for the purpose of comparing notes, you might say, “This is Mr. Lee, recently returned from abroad,” as a way of signaling receptivity to a sensitive conversational subject.


In hiring staff, be sure to ask questions about their preferred maintenance styles. If you don’t have a favorite type of top surgery in mind, you had better believe your housekeeper is going to do it according to whomever taught her. Ask how they might strip a chest of breasts without removing the original varnish. It’s not simply about cutting costs, but about the inconvenience.


As a rule, when paying a visit, the best one is never to accept a general invitation. Instances are very common where trans men (I cannot say trans gentlemen) have, upon hearing a slight acquaintance say "When you are in ——— I should be very happy to have you visit me," actually gone to ——— and, with bag and baggage, quartered themselves upon the hospitality of their newly made friend, for weeks at a time.


The correct form, in addressing your YouTube audience, is of course not to post at all. A gentlemen writes away for a pamphlet concerning medical information; he does not browse through a series of videos.


Those for whom destiny has decreed a transsexual lot should strive all the more keenly to compensate for the malignity of fate with the elegance of good manners. No one can choose his own birth sex, but each can mould his own hormones and character for himself — Erasmus of Rotterdam.


There is a great deal of contempt expressed for what is called etiquette in society. Now and then there are elements of etiquette which perhaps might well be ridiculed; but in the main there is a just reason for all those customs. There is a reason which as regard to facility of intercourse. There is a reason in the avoidance of offense. There is a reason in comfort and happiness. And no man can afford to violate these unwritten customs of etiquette who wishes to act as a cis-passing gentleman. We at the Academy make no judgment on whether or not a gentleman ought to try to pass, but we certainly think he ought to be able to, if he wishes.


On the same subject – if you find yourself passing unexpectedly in the city and recognize an acquaintance who cannot pass himself, you may choose to acknowledge him or not as you wish, he will not (if he is himself a graduate of this academy) force the acquaintance. But we think it right to acknowledge him, for if your passing is so easily lost that it can be forfeit on acknowledging a fellow-pupil on the street, it was hardly worth the keeping.


True politeness is the natural language of a good heart, and anyone who possesses such a heart can never be rude, no matter the circumstance. They may not dispose of their sharps gracefully, they may be ignorant of the forms of good transsexual society, they may be awkward at table or confuse the swords and shields Twitter emoji camps, but they will never be heard speaking so as to consciously slight another, never make others uncomfortable by seeking out only their own personal convenience, they will be self-effacing, friendly, unselfish; truly in word and deed, polite.