With apologies to InStyle. June is finally upon us, and soon our plans will come to fruition – we’ll be the queens of summertime…I mean king. Kings! There will be more friends, more allies, more of everything, and hang those who talk of less. Above-ground pools and their accompanying lifestyle accoutrements! So many layers of bathing suits that no one could possibly pants us!
“What about the Sunsphere? Oh, you mean the Wigsphere.”
When you’re down to your last ten dollars, you’ve already seen both of Andy Williams’ encores, and there’s probably not going to be another World’s Fair for another 80 years at least, sometimes there’s nothing to do for it but to buy yourself a kicky little light-purple wig and a saucy orange barrette to set it off. It won’t solve all your problems, but then again it never promised to.
Lilac Bob Wig, Etsy, $37.67.
Orange Barrette, Etsy, $8.
“A Lucky Boy’s” Tea and Birthday Party Set
“What kind of a little boy has a tea set?” asks Mrs. Krabappel, speaking for all of Martin’s haters. The underlying question is: What’s wrong with Martin? Why does he like the wrong things, in the wrong amount?
Principal Skinner, Zen-like, pours a cup of tea in response. “I think we both know the answer to that,” he tells her. “A lucky boy.”
Moulin Routy’s Once Upon A Time Tea Set, Maisonette, $59.00
Little Tikes Pink Cottage Playhouse, Walmart, $109.98
Pink party hats, Etsy, $6.
Ice Sculpture, “Fancy little boy” shape - price on request, Chisel-It
“Calliope, the muse of heroic poetry!”
Nelson – interlocutor, the tyrant to Martin’s parrhesiastes, burly protector and sometime-ally, antithesis and counterweight – not included. Unalloyed, undiminished optimism no guarantee.
Pink ballet slippers, Target, $14.99.
Fairy wings, Etsy, $31.50.
Purple pansy bouquet, Etsy, $13.30.
White toga, Amazon, $28.00.
Pale pink sash, Etsy, $6.41.
“Would you like to hear me play the lute?”
To which the only answer is, of course, Yes.
The Oxford Book of Ballads, free.
Purple bycocket hat with feather, Etsy, $65.
Roosebeck ULTVL-2 Tenor Lute, Reverb, $254.99.
The Wondrous Wizard of Latin
Purple wizard’s hat with symbols, Poshmark, $6.
Short blue fleece cape, Etsy, $45.
Latin Phrase-Book, Carl Meissner, free.
Any of these looks is guaranteed to put a spring in your step, such that lookers-on and passers-by might wager – say, he has some variety of walking clock in that box!