Hello, Doctor, My Brain Is Clicking

“Hello Doctor, my brain is Templeton the Rat from Charlotte’s Web at the fairgrounds after dark, can you please fix?”

“Hello Doctor, my brain is Goose from Templeton the Rat’s fairground song saying, ‘Yes, yes!’ when Templeton asks ‘Will I find melon rinds and bits of hot dogs, cookie crumbs and rotten cotton candy, melted ice cream, mustard drippings, moldy goodies everywhere?’”

“Hello Doctor, my brain is elaborate Rube Goldberg mailbox machine from Honey I Shrunk the Kids, please help.”

“Hello Doctor, my brain is only first song, many times, never second song? Only first song, many, never second song, new. Music is only one song over and over.”

“Please Doctor, very serious — my brain is Hollywood Square, Zingers. Os and Xs and celebrity zingers, trapped in boxes. Please, my brain.”

“Please, Doctor, my brain is old Teenie Beanies, McDonald’s from, in minivan.”

“Please Doctor, my brain is bad guests on Dick Cavett show, drunk Ben Gazzara, slothly Peter Falk, disrespectful John Cassavettes, falling over no-couch gang.”

“Please Doctor — my brain is new horse, no corral. Please, bridle.”

“Hello Doctor, brain is all spaghetti, no sauce, two dogs fighting, no meatball, no kiss, no Italian chef to monitor.”

“Hello Doctor, brain is 80s television set just turned off, still warm, making sparks but no picture, ghost of old sounds, please give priest.”

“Hello Doctor, brain is submarine sailors singing Soviet anthem, dead Sam Neill, confused Tim Curry holding Order of Lenin medal on iceberg, please send Sean Connery.”

“Hello Doctor, brain is too much full of funnel cake, please send rats.”