How I Intend To Comport Myself When I Have A…

With thanks to Louis Peitzman. When I have abs someday, no one will ever know about it, unless it’s by accident, like I happen to be reaching for something above my head in front of a lot of people and my shirt rides up, and accidentally now a couple of (just a couple, I have lots) my casual friends (not my closest friends) see that I have abs, and it’s sort of a moment – not a big one, but definitely a few of them say under their breath, “Did you know that he even had abs?” and “I never would have guessed that he had abs” and “Wow, abs,” and then I’d have gotten whatever I was reaching for and no one would say anything out loud, because obviously I don’t make a big deal out of having abs so nobody wants to say anything to me about it. But they’ll talk about it amongst themselves, and they might even text a friend or two to say, “Did you know that he had abs?”

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