Joan Didion and Anna Wintour

My sister Laura has a fantastic Joan Didion impression. I wish you could see it. She juts her hips out roughly fourteen feet in front of the rest of her body, then reverse-slouches her way into a room, bobbling her head under a pair of enormous sunglasses. "Helloooo," she calls in a merry, quavering voice that's mostly just a soprano's Julia Child impression. It never, ever fails to crack me up. 

I am not a regular reader of Vogue, and I think the only work of Didion's I've ever read is like half of that essay about the time she bought a dress for Linda Kasabian, and "Some Dreamers of the Golden Dream" in, I want to say college but might have been high school. So most of what I know about Anna Wintour and Joan Didion is just what I've vaguely absorbed from watching a lot of TV and spending a lot of time on the Internet. I imagine the two of them as being very distant friends who do nothing but solemnly approve of each other's haircuts as they glide silently past one another at Fashion Week. 

Anyhow, I've been staying at Nicole's house for the last few weeks and have really ascended to a new level of closeness – a few days ago I helped her husband give their dog a bath, and I've started using her address to mail books and Simpsons-themed T-shirts to myself. The other day I had a twelve-dollar gray wig shipped to myself overnight, because I was suddenly seized with the thought, "I should have a gray wig and film the ongoing adventures of best friends Joan Didion and Anna Wintour." 

It begin with the following dialogue:

JOAN: Hello, Anna Wintour. I like your severe gray bob. 

ANNA: Hello, Joan Didion. I like your severe gray bob. 

And things escalated from there.

I have no desire to learn anything else about either Joan or Anna. I know everything I need: Anna Wintour used to date Bob Marley in the 1970s (THIS IS ABSOLUTELY TRUE, THIS HAPPENED, I 100% BELIEVE SHE CALLS HIM "BOBERT"), Joan Didion sleeps in a jeweled casket buried underneath the 110 freeway, Anna starts each day at exactly 5:45am with three spoonfuls of peanut butter that she eats out of a hummingbird feeder. I will make videos as the two of them for the rest of my life.