Joan Didion Runs Through Her Enemies List

“Oh, I’ve got quite a lot of enemies, darling. Joan Didion makes enemies every morning before noon. Joni Mitchell’s been after me for years, ever since I abandoned her in the corridors beneath the basement of the Berkeley Community Theater with a man from the Air Force named Richard. Who else? Who else wishes me ill? Tom Wolfe’s never cared for me, never since I stole a group of hand towels from his bathroom, but to that I have to say, Sir, have the decency and the good sense to be born in Sacramento, or at least somewhere in Siskiyou County, California, instead of Virginia. Imagine! Not being born in Sacramento. Not being born to people who were born to people who were born to people who came over with the Donner Party. What do they talk about at Christmas, if not the Donner Party? Ridiculous man. Makes no sense.

Gloria Steinem hates me, but that woman wears carnations. Henry Kissinger doesn’t care for me, but to him I say, I have seen your death, and it is good. (Also never came over with the Donner Party.)

Yes, I’ve got a lot of enemies, a lot of enemies…Kurt Vonnegut? Breakfast of Champions? I never eat breakfast. Breakfast is for the weak. I eat a glass of cigarettes, and then I look at a coffee, and then I investigate something. because I’m a human being.”