Oh, No! You're Religious Again!

Previously in Danny’s Fever Dreams: Oh, No! They Grew Back!

Oh, gosh – good morning! Is it still morning? You overslept, and now you’re religious again! Remember when you used to belong to that one religion, a whole bunch, but then later you changed your mind? Well, your mind changed back while you were sleeping, and there’s nothing you can do about it now! You’re every bit as religious as you were before, only now you’re in big trouble, and everyone knows it. Wake up so you can feel terrible about it!

How did it happen? When you went to bed last night, you felt relatively peaceful about whatever new religion you have, or the balance you’ve managed to strike with being not-religious at all, or just really enjoyed candles. And you weren’t planning on getting religious again in the old way! Were you? Maybe you were planning on it, and you just forgot to tell yourself. You’d better get moving – everyone’s going to be here in a few minutes, and this house is just full of stuff that’s not allowed! So much of the stuff you like and do and use isn’t allowed! That’s so bad! Oh man, this is so bad, you’d better hurry!

Why did you have to make an announcement that you were religious again and invite everybody over before you got the house ready? You could have given yourself more time! Now everybody’s coming over with the most enthusiasm and plus it’s time to make a full reckoning and get caught up to account! They’re gonna have so many questions for you! When’s the last time you told everybody everything? You have to tell them again now — you asked to come back, remember?

Oh man, you’re going to have to stop all those things you liked! Better get rid of anything you can’t explain, even the nice things! There’s so much that isn’t allowed! Remember how it used to bother you when things weren’t allowed? Do you think it’ll be easier now than it used to be? Oh man, you’re going to be so busy. You’ve got a lot to make up for! Do you think you can remember everything you’re supposed to do again now? Because there’s all the old stuff you used to do, plus some new stuff now.

Oh wow, and there’s going to have to be some stuff you need to undo! Right? Or at least be very, very sorry for! What if you’re just religious enough to know how much trouble you’re in, but not religious enough to be sorry? Can you get either a little more or a lot less religious in the next thirty seconds? What if you try very hard? What if you try harder even than that? Do you think you’re doing a very good job of trying? What do you think God has to say about how much you’re trying right now? Does that help, or does that make it worse? What do you think God’s been doing this whole time while you’ve been so busy being another religion, or not religious at all, or lighting candles, or whatever? Don’t you wish you could lie about some of the things you did? Do you think you could get away with lying now, or do you think you’d end up being in even more trouble than you already are? Why didn’t you tell yourself that you were going to join again?

Well, there’s no time to do anything about that now! Everyone’s here, and you have to go do everything! Why do you think everyone’s so angry that you’re back? Wouldn’t you think joining again would make you a part of the team? Why can’t you quit again if you already did once and you really want to quit now? Why isn’t quitting working anymore? Do you want to write down whatever it is that you think you did wrong, in case this happens to someone else someday? Do you think you’re allowed to? Do you think they’re going to have special rules just for you now, because of all the trouble you’re in? If everyone’s so happy to have you back, why are they all so angry with you? And why are you so hostile and defensive? Do you think there’s going to be enough time for all the punishments everyone wants to give you before time runs out? What are you going to do if there isn’t?