Psst – Hey, Kid...Wanna Cut Your Tits Off?

Kid. Hey, kid! Yeah – c’mere a second. You wanna be more aerodynamic, don’tcha? You know – the properties of solid objects as they relate to the movement of air that flows around ‘em? Ever hear about cutting your tits off? Sure, you know aerodynamics. You like NASA, don’tcha kid? Remember, from back in school – the four forces of flight? Lift, weight, thrust, and drag? Well, how can you ever expect to gin up sufficient lift with all that drag on the front of ya? You gotta cut your tits off, is what. And I know a guy –

[Whistles] Man, you must have to deal with wake turbulence like you wouldn’t believe. Man oh man. I can’t even imagine what angle of attack you’ve gotta reach during a landing. Those wingtip vortices are no joke. How long’s it take you to wind a scarf, with those things still on you? You come with me, I introduce you to my guy, we’ll have you streamlined in no time. You’ll be putting on shirts two, three at a time, all one-handed, quicker than you can count. You wanna be streamlined, don’tcha? How much time are you wasting right now with all that resistance you’ve got to worry about when you’re moving through liquids? Hours, I’ll bet.

‘Course it’s natural. What could be more natural than molting? Shuttles drop their thrusters once they reach orbital escape velocity, don’t they? Geckos are always crawling out of their old gecko skins. You want to wear the same chest your whole life, be my guest, but nothing’s more reliable, natural, safe, or effective than change, baby, and I know a guy whose pockets are just bursting with change.

It’s no skin off my nose! No tits off my chest! Keep walking, if you’re not interested, I’ll find somebody who knows a good deal when they see one. Just don’t come crying to me once everyone else wises up and you’re the only one left among all your friends with incompressible flow. I’m serious! You want something cheap, easy, maneuverable, multi-functional, with a minimal reaction time, you’re gonna want to cut those tits off. Look, you change your mind, here’s my card.