The Great Thing About The Movie "Amadeus" Is It's Just "What If Spock Absolutely Hated Kirk And Killed Him"

you know, “what if Kirk and Spock, but too much,” where the dynamic is just the physical embodiment of Melancholic Reserve was forced to be friends with Embarrassing Transmasculine Ebullience, only the friendship never worked out and also it’s Vienna

SPOCK

I do my JOB, I have excellent POSTURE and a serious forehead and I am not in the MARKET for a new best friend


KIRK

HI WHAT’S UP YOUTUBE MY NAME IS WOLFGANG AMADEUS CAPTAIN KIRK, I’M INCREDIBLE AT EVERYTHING, I’M ALMOST FIVE NINE, I HAVE NINE PINK WIGS, FOUR BOYFRIENDS, TWO GIRLFRIENDS, AND YOU’RE MY NEW BEST FRIEND AND I LOVE IT


SPOCK

“You're the captain of this ship. You haven't the right to be vulnerable in the eyes of the crew. You can't afford the luxury of being anything less than perfect. If you do, they lose faith and you lose command.”


KIRK

ahahaha this fucking owns!! yes!! this opera is sick as hell! aaaaat LAASSSTTT I SHALL BE FREED BY DEAAAATH!


SPOCK

this opera has too many NOTES in it and not enough DECORUM, you and I have NOTHING in common, you are lower to me than a cockroach or a Prussian


KIRK

UP, UP, UP, UP, UP, UP, UP!!!! I’M THE BIGGEST BOY IN SPACE! I HOPE SOMEWHERE IN THIS BIG PARTY FOR ME IS MY BEST FRIEND SPOCK, WHO IS SO PROUD OF MY MANY ACCOMPLISHMENTS


SPOCK

I will do whatever is in my power to ensure the person responsible for my attending this party dies before the week is out


KIRK

MORE OF EVERYTHING PLEASE!!! ALSO HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND? HIS NAME IS SALIERI AND HE NEVER TALKS TO ME AND HE WRITES VERY BAD SONATAS. THEY ARE ABSOLUTE DOGSHIT, I LOVE HIM AS MUCH AS TEN EXPLOSIONS


KIRK

You’re my best friend!!! Everyone is my best friend but you’re my best friend the most!!!

[Worriedly, and with scarlet fever] you ARE my best friend, AREN’T you??


SPOCK

WE WERE WORK ACQUAINTANCES AT BEST!!!!!


KIRK

BUT I AM YOUR BEST DEAD FRIEND RIGHT