Things I Imagine Lyndon Baines Johnson Might Have Called Me Had We Met Prior To My Transition: Part Of A Series Of Maladaptive Fantasies, "Fawning to Cope," and Sublimating Violence With Folksiness

  • plucky

  • feisty

  • a real firestarter

  • a real whip

  • little bit of a pistol, fellas

  • a fine gal

  • your relationship to adorableness displays a fine manly vigor

  • Son, I know I’m not a good man. Can you help?

  • Walk me through this thing of yours about Subway sandwiches, young man. What am I missing here?

  • let me explain earthiness to you in a way that’s gonna resolve all this

  • this one’s got pluck, boys

  • There’s a better way to relate to violent male authority than avoidance and forced-proximity, and I’m going to share that with you right n—