Previously: Things I’ve Learned About Heterosexual Female Desire From Decades of Reading. I’m pretty sure the summer between fifth and sixth grade all I did was read the illustrated version of Ivanhoe and plan to grow up to be a beautiful woman. The mechanics of how I was going to go about it got a little bit away from me at the time, but no matter; it was a relief to learn that there were as many as two ways for a woman to be beautiful, thus increasing my chances. Here is the first way, Rowena of Rotherwood:
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