"Women Were Sexier When"

I love watching, say, an old Gilda clip on YouTube, because you know half of the comments are going to be variations on “Women were so much sexier Then…Women are dreadfully unsexy Now…Nothing was more exciting than a fully-dressed character actress in her forties, with a deeply tragic home life and tumultuous series of international marriages, slightly raising an eyebrow before hurling a witticism at you.”

You know, women now, they’re not so great, always taking their clothes off and knowing what sex is. Give me Veronica Lake any day, who turned into an ottoman and disappeared if you so much as unlaced a shoe. Give me Lana Turner, who was utterly immobilized by MGM’s freeze ray except for her right eyebrow, which she arched once a year in elegant disdain. These women today, their faces are too big, and you can tell they’re naked underneath it. Give me the cryogenically frozen head of the Wavishing Kay Fwancis, or nothing.